What you see before you is a gang of writers and hardcore gamers, GUILTY of bringing you news, reviews, feature articles and opinions on the latest in video games. Each of them has been convicted several times for the crime of ‘hardcore gaming’ and they aim to bring you down with them. They claim to be here to tell you just what games are the ideal cure for those itchy thumbs. We don’t get paid to write our opinions, so honesty is Itchy Thumbs.
WANTED: VG Slave
1987, the year the Gods of gaming gave the world Double Dragon. It was around the same time VG Slave was seen scouring the ground for pennies and propping up the DD machine. Decades later, VG is still seen around video game consoles, dedicating his spare time (and then some) hitting monsters with lead pipes, curing himself of the T-Virus, and often sneaking through the shadows to find the next adventure. He’s also known for taking his crime of ‘harcore gaming’ to the keyboard and forcing other people to listen to him. If there’s a console around, there’s sure to be VG Slave nearby. Be warned.
LAST SEEN: Kicking ass and chewing gum, but he’s all out of gum.
WANTED: Richard Tutton
No longer on the right side of 30, Richard has been gaming for around two thirds of his life, working his way up from an Amstrad CPC, original Game Boy and Sega Master System to today’s range of consoles and handhelds. When not writing about games, he’ll more than likely be found playing them, and when he’s not writing about or playing games, the chances are that he’s wishing he was. Or he’s sleeping. Or drunk.
LAST SEEN: In Hyrule trying to find the cute princess.
WANTED: Ben Stokes
With his beloved job in retail creating the perfect smokescreen for his gaming addiction and passion for writing, Ben spends most of his spare time indulging in at least one of the latter. His first gaming memories stretch back to the days of the original Gameboy and for some unknown reason, playing Home Alone 2! He appreciates an evening beverage, or nine after a good, old fashioned trophy haul but doesn’t appreciate Michael Jackson potty mouth from his comrades. The biggest crime of all, he still hasn’t played Oblivion but expect fireworks and perhaps a street parade when he does.
LAST SEEN: Whereabouts unknown.
WANTED: Kit Goodliffe
Having spent the first six years of his life living at an inn complete with arcade, Kit has been surrounded by games for as long as he can remember. Migrating from arcade to Mega Drive and onwards up to the consoles of today, Kit has remained immersed in the gaming world. Watching intently as the medium develops new ways to tell stories or generally entertain, Kit takes great comfort in knowing that however games change, they’ll always offer a satisfying alternative to the so-called “real world”.
LAST SEEN: Reading books and living the high life as a Shogun
WANTED: John Kyprianou
John’s geek-hood began on the antique Amstrad 464, where cassette decks and typing in code for games to work became his passion. John was known in the early days to spend all his time in the underground worlds of Electro Freddy and Dizzy, where he once mauled a gamer to Oblivion in an argument over Dizzy. “Dizzy is an egg,” John was heard shouting. 24 years later John is still a mastermind in the seedy underworld of video games.
LAST SEEN: Playing detective in 40′s LA.
WANTED: Chris Lai
Chris is a twenty-something video game addict who’s still haunted by that damaging Christmas day when he got his very own Sega Master System. His clean life and dreams of becoming an astronaut were ruined forever – he only ever wanted to play video games for a living. He’s almost there…well the video game bit anyway. He spends most of his days in his local video game shop, dealing games and telling people that Metal Gear Solid is the pinnacle of gaming, and Family Water Sports Wii is most certainly not – a very damaging act indeed.
LAST SEEN: Kicking ass and chewing gum, but he’s all out of gum. Wants more tits also.